striving

this is not anywhere near a complete thought but it’s what i’ve been thinking about lately:

time is time is time.

we say things like “waste of time” and then we feel bad about how our time was used.

how often do we rush to get places, to get out of places? to be home when we’re not there, to be doing something when we’ve been home for too long?

right now i feel like hurrying to sleep. but other nights i feel great for staying up late.  i want to stay in bed for a long time, except for when i want to do something.

when are we happy with now?  what exactly are we striving for?

from the books i’ve been reading: we run away from unpleasant feelings and we chase pleasant feelings.  but constantly chasing pleasant things can be as bad as running away from the unpleasant.  how do we break this cycle of craving?

***

my school/work schedule isn’t the most ideal of the bunch, but it’s both impermanent and fixed, as are my feelings toward it. the school term won’t last much longer (9 days) and i can’t (exert the effort) to change my schedule, so i’ve grown to accept it.  i can’t completely control my schedule but i can control how i react to it and adapt to it.

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